How to Run One-to-One Meetings That Build Employee Engagement and Retain Your Highest Performers
- 7 days ago
- 7 min read
There have been decades of research into what actually makes someone engaged at work, and The State of the Global Workplace 2026 report has narrowed it down to twelve questions people can ask themselves to test it.
I am going to focus on two of those twelve for this blog so that you know how to run one-to-one meetings.
In the last six months, has someone at work talked to you about your progress
Is there someone at work who encourages your development?
These are not questions to be dismissed. They're two of the strongest predictors of whether someone stays engaged, and when someone stays engaged, they stay.
That's the high performer you keep in your team.
Both of those conversations are supposed to happen formally in the 1:1. and can be touched upon informally in daily interactions.
Most of the time, employees feel that they aren't covered in either.
If you're a leader whose one-to-ones have started to feel like status updates rather than conversations that actually build trust and engagement, this blog is for you.
By the end of this blog, you'll have specific questions to bring into your next one-to-one, and a clear sense of what's been missing.
Who Should Set the Agenda for a One-to-One?
Most leaders have 1:1s scheduled into the diary, weekly, fortnightly, monthly, whatever the rhythm is. Having them scheduled is one thing, yet it means very little if you are not present or intentional when you show up. Making sure that when you're in the room, you're maximising the time with them and they know you have their full attention.
I did a workshop recently, and a question came up that sits right at the heart of this. I was asked who should set the agenda for a 1:1, the manager or the team member?
Even when there is an agenda, who actually shapes how the conversation goes?
Who has ownership for making sure that these meetings are determined a success - by both the leader and the team member?
Your 1:1 with each team member is their time too, not just yours to run through status updates, project updates and task updates. It's their time with you to talk through what's important to them. If they're sitting there passively, waiting to receive whatever you're ready to share, it isn't going to be the best use of that time for either of you. You can shape how the time is structured, and they need to shape what's actually talked about within it.
Ask them in advance and then contract with them what they want from the time at the beginning of the meeting.
The One Question Leaders Need to Ask at the End of Every One-to-One
There's one question I share with every client I work with, credit to Marshall Goldsmith. His recommendation is that leaders close every single 1:1 with the same question:
What can I do differently to be a better leader for you?
I recommend this question to my clients as It's forward-focused rather than backward-looking, which makes it much easier for someone to answer honestly. It also puts the ownership for your leadership approach where it belongs, on you, while recognising that your team is full of individuals who each need something slightly different to get the best from them.
The first couple of times you ask it, don't expect much back. Psychological safety and trust take time to build, and the more consistently you ask, even when the answer is quiet, the more you keep that feedback loop open. Ask the question every time, so people know it's coming. When someone does answer honestly, how you receive it matters just as much as the question itself: listen, don't get defensive, and actually adapt.
Psychological safety means the confidence and trust that they can speak openly and honestly without judgement or repercussion - make it count, as this will have a strong ripple effect.
Some people will be comfortable with this straight away. Others will need more time. Both are fine, you don't need to apply pressure, simply be consistent with your approach.
How to Get the Best Out of a New Team Member
One of the things I used to do whenever I got a new team member was ask them for their personal operating manual.
Wouldn't it be great if every new person came with a thick book that said, 'this is how to get the best out of me', it covers how I like to communicate, the tasks I love, what I don't like, what good looks like, and what I look like when I'm struggling.
Leaders don't get that manual, so we have to ask for it. Sit down with someone in a neutral, low-pressure moment, not once there's already a problem, and ask:
What does good look like for you?
What does not good look like?
If I think you're struggling, how do you want me to raise it, directly, or more gently?
What tasks would you bite my hand off for, and what would you leave until the very last minute?
This works just as well as a team activity as it does in an individual 1:1, and it's far better done early than left until trial and error forces the conversation.
How to Structure the Most Effective One to Ones
A good 1:1 needs at minimum these two elements:
Tactical: what's working, what do they need help with, what's slowing them down. Personal: their development, what they actually want to work on.
The tactical side should only cover what genuinely needs a two-way conversation. If it's a one-way update, it belongs in an email or on Slack, not in the room with you. Save the 1:1 for what benefits from being talked through. They don't need to tell you what you already know, focus in on what they don't know and where they need support.
For the personal side, ask through the lens of short, medium and long term. What do you want to work on before our next 1:1? What support do you need from me to get there? This is where knowledge gaps, skill gaps and action gaps become visible, and it's worth checking that the direction you think someone should be heading in is actually where they want to go, not just where you'd send them.
3 Things Every Employee Needs From Their Leader to Feel Engaged at Work
This is one I keep coming back to, because it's that important. There are three things every team member needs to be clear on by the end of every 1:1, and they're central to whether that person stays engaged, and whether they stay at all. People leave teams and organisations when they're disengaged. They leave when they don't feel valued.
They need to know they're valued as an individual, their character and what they bring, separate from any task or output.
They need to know their work is valued, that what they contribute is significant and feeds into the bigger picture.
They need to know there's a development or progression pathway, even where that isn't a promotion, there are still ways to grow within the role they're already in.
This is exactly where those two Gallup questions from the start come back in.
Has someone talked to them about their progress?
Is someone encouraging their development?
If you're not confident the answer is yes, that's your starting point for the next 1:1.
Why Most Leaders Struggle to Run Good One-to-Ones
In my experience how to deliver a great 1:1 is rarely covered properly in leadership courses, despite being one of the most important things a leader does. Most leaders are doing the best they can with what they've been given, which usually isn't much of a framework at all.
Don't move, delete or postpone 1:1s unless there's genuinely no other choice. The message that sends, even unintentionally, is that the person isn't valued. When it is unavoidable, think about the message received, not just the one you meant to send.
Most leaders genuinely want to do right by their team. It's a lot of trial and error, a bit like early dating or a new friendship, working out what lands and what doesn't. The more curious you are, the more you ask, and the more space you give people to share how they like to work, the easier that becomes.
You can contract a 1:1 the same way I contract a coaching session.
What do you want to focus on today?
What do you want to walk away with?
Check in with how they're feeling before you start, ask what they want from the time, and close with the Marshall Goldsmith question every time.
Your One-to-One Checklist: 3 Questions Leaders Should Ask Every Time
Go back to those two Gallup questions for every person on your team. Have you talked to them about their progress? Have you actively encouraged their development? If you're not confident the answer is yes, build those two questions into your next 1:1, alongside the Marshall Goldsmith close. That's your three questions.
How are you feeling about the progress you are making?
How can I support your development?
What can I do differently to be a better leader for you?
Before: Ask your team in advance what they want to talk about, so they arrive ready rather than reacting on the spot.
After: When you wrap up, check in on the same three things: do they feel valued, do they feel their work is valued, and have they had a real conversation about where they're going.
That's what elevates a 1:1 from a diary entry into an investment of time and energy that actually keeps people engaged and keeps them as part of your team.
Ready to transform from reactive to intentional leadership?
I'm Zoë Thompson, leadership and performance specialist, and I help overwhelmed leaders transform from reactive to intentional leadership in 8 weeks, so you finish work on time, take The Big Week Off with zero work, zero stress and zero guilt, and create success that feels as good as it looks.
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