The Feedback Shift: Why the Most Uncomfortable Conversation Is Your Most Powerful Development Tool

How to give feedback that develops capability in your team, and ask for the specific feedback you need to keep developing as a leader

This has been coming up a lot with clients and in 'The Leadership Community' discussions lately. The conversations that I have around feedback show that the way people see feedback, the beliefs they have around feedback, are often shaped by their own experiences of not having great feedback or having feedback that's not been delivered very well. Sometimes it's the absence of feedback altogether.

For so many leaders, feedback feels uncomfortable. But what I really want to get across in this blog is for you to see feedback as an information tool.

It is both the gathering of information and the sharing of information.

It's the gap between what someone intends and what actually lands.

With the knowledge that you can offer up in a feedback session, that gives that individual the opportunity to develop, adjust, and grow. And we don't know what we don't know. Often, with feedback, it's an opportunity to share a perspective, share an opinion, or maybe even share your own experiences that help that individual to have more knowledge so they can work on the skills and close that gap.

One of the most common challenges for leaders when it comes to feedback is that they either leave it too late and then it becomes a more difficult conversation, or they fluff the delivery of the message, trying to soften it because they feel uncomfortable sharing that feedback, and then the message gets lost in the delivery.

Changing the belief that 'feedback is criticism' can shift the focus from feedback being a difficult conversation to feedback being a developmental conversation.

Why Timely and Detailed Feedback Matters in Leadership

The most recent global workplace report from Gallup reports that the number of people globally who are disengaged in their workplace came in at 85 out of 100 people.

85% of people said that they were not fully engaged at work.

This is a huge problem because staff disengagement contributes to absenteeism, presenteeism, and staff turnover.

We don't want good staff to leave. Feedback and the conversations that we have in one-to-ones, both the formal and informal conversations, are a big part of that.

We see this as an investment in continuous improvement. When we're sharing feedback with our teams, we see this as an opportunity for that person to keep improving and keep growing.

This is the growth mindset. This isn't feedback because they haven't done well. This is feedback on how they can be even better.

Giving Feedback That Develops Capability and Grows Confidence

When you avoid difficult conversations because you're worried about the relationship, the performance issue doesn't go away. It just gets bigger.

When you use the SBI framework - Situation, Behaviour, Impact - you make feedback about the observation, not the person. You create space for them to respond rather than defend.

Here is the framework:

Situation: What happened? - Be specific (and make sure it is timely).

Behaviour: What they did. Observable actions, what you saw or heard.

Impact: The consequence on the work, the team, and the outcome.

This creates an opportunity to develop your team through feedback rather than avoiding the conversation and hoping it fixes itself.

You can use a coaching approach to feedback.

Ask what they noticed about the situation.

Ask what they think the impact was.

Ask what they would do differently next time.

Not telling them what they did wrong. Helping them see it themselves and develop the capability to notice and adjust going forward.

The shift from avoiding difficult conversations to leading them well is what creates high-performing teams.

Requesting Feedback at Senior Leadership Levels

One of the common challenges senior leaders share with me is that they are finding that once they get to a more senior level, they're not getting feedback in the same way.

Perhaps one-to-ones are a little bit more fluid and tend to focus on strategy or tactical updates rather than actual personal development.

If you're not getting the feedback you're looking for, then you can design a set of questions that will get you the information that you need.

If you're looking for specific information, you need to ask specific questions.

If you ask open questions, you're going to get very open answers. And if you have the type of manager that doesn't give you that information forthcoming, then asking better questions will help you to get better answers.

This is where my PIIPS Framework can be a great framework to help you go into these conversations.

PLAN - INTENTION - IDENTITY - PERFORMANCE - STRUCTURE

It's all in the planning!

What is the vision, what will good look like, what will success feel like? You need a clear understanding of where you are going to be able to plan how to get there.

Check in with your intention. What are you trying to develop? Where are you? Where are you trying to get to? What is the intention of what you want out of that conversation?

You may want to explore more around your leadership identity, how you're leading and how you're showing up. If you want to work at this next level, where do they see that you are already doing that, and where do they see that you can level it up a little bit more in the role that you are in?

How can you improve your performance? Where are you getting results, and where are you not? Where are you doing things really well, and where could you perhaps learn from your peers or counterparts? What could you be more consistent with? What is holding you back that you need to let go of?

And then finally the structure. What support or development do you need to enable all of this to happen?

The more you plan going into this conversation, the more you can take the lead on this conversation.

You can start with "I've been reflecting on my own development" or "I've been reflecting on the last quarter, and this is specifically what I would like to review. This is what I think I've done really well; this is where I think I can make improvements next time. Can you give me feedback on X, Y, and Z?"

When you go into these conversations, you can use the KSA bridge to help identify where your gaps might be.

If you're looking for the next promotion, there is a possibility that you can pull the job description to be able to identify where there are gaps.

Where do you have knowledge, skills or experience gaps that you would like to bridge?

How can you develop these in your current role?

What other opportunities do you need?

Specific questions around this will help you to get more specific answers.

Knowledge gap: What do you need to understand better, or what are you missing that is limiting you from being more effective, more efficient, or better in your role?

Skills gaps: What do you need to learn, develop or strengthen?

Action gap: What would they like to see you do differently? What behaviours are they picking up on that they think, if you were to change them or adopt a different approach, that you might get a different response? Where can you be more consistent and more effective?

And remember, in addition to one-to-ones with your line manager, you might want to, maybe twice a year, arrange for a meeting with people who you work alongside to go and get some feedback from them.

What do they think you could do differently? How can you improve how you're showing up, how you're running your department or your team, that would help make the rest of the operating model smoother or more efficient and more effective?

What a Consistent Feedback Loop Creates for Leaders

When you give feedback well, your team develops the capability to self-correct.

When you ask for feedback specifically, you keep developing even at senior levels where no one volunteers it anymore.

The shift is that feedback becomes normal, not feared. It's information, not criticism. It's how people get better.

This is what intentional leadership looks like.

Before you go, ask yourself:

What feedback conversation are you avoiding right now?

When was the last time you asked for specific feedback on your leadership?

Now you know what you know, what will you do differently?

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