The Circle Exercise: How Leaders Set Boundaries That Actually Stick
- 2 hours ago
- 6 min read
A lot of leaders talk about boundaries as if they're a list of hard and fast rules. I want to challenge that, because it's not how boundaries actually hold, and it's not how the leaders I work with get theirs to stick.
Boundaries are a significant part of leadership, not just how you protect your own values, principles and standards of behaviour, but how you set the boundaries that enable you to go home on time, step away for a week, and know you don't need to be at the centre of everything for everything to keep running.
If you've ever set a boundary, broken it within a fortnight, and quietly entered the self- blame and shame game, assuming that it was a discipline problem, this blog is for you.
What Boundaries Really Protect (And Why Leaders Need Them)
Boundaries are the invisible line between you and other people. It's the line that protects what matters most to you: your values, your principles, the things you live by.
Once you're clear on what's behind that line, you're clear on two things:
What you're asking people to respect
What you're wanting to protect and preserve.
Clarity has to run both ways. You need to understand what's behind your own boundary line, and you need to understand what sits behind other people's too, especially for the individuals on your team.
Sometimes the boundaries will clash. When they do, it is important to have an open and honest conversation to find a solution that respects what matters to both people.
Boundaries are protecting a handful of things, and whilst they will be very specific to each individual, they are often centred around health, family, energy. Everyone's version looks slightly different, but the categories repeat more than you'd expect and you can often find commonality amongst your team.
The Circle Exercise: How Leaders Get Clear on Their Boundaries
This is an exercise I use with every client, and I'd recommend it before you try to set a single new boundary.
Draw a circle. Inside it, write down what's most important to you, ideally around three things.
Not what you think should be in there. What's actually there.
The principles or standards you live by, both personally and professionally, since we bring ourselves to work rather than leaving half of ourselves at the door.
I do this in my own business too. My calendar is only open certain hours for clients to book in, and I protect my evenings and weekends, though I'll flex that when there's a specific event worth going to or hosting. That flexibility doesn't undo the boundary. It's still protecting the same thing.
Once you're clear on what's in the circle, you can get much more intentional about how you show up to protect it.
Setting Boundaries as a Leader: Why Fixed Rules Don't Work
This is where most boundaries advice differs to how I talk this through with the leaders I work with.
I see a lot of people treat boundaries as a list of hard and fast rules. I don't work after five.
A list of 'dos' and 'don'ts' - more often than not ', don'ts'.
It sounds clear, but it rarely holds in place, because a rule that works in one situation or with one person often needs to look different in another. Treated as one fixed rule for every context, it'll only realistically work in some of them.
The consistency isn't in the specific action. It's in how you show up to protect what's behind the line.
One of the leaders I work with had always held their boundary as not working past a certain time. But their caring demands at home changed; their children needed something different from them, and the hard cut-off that used to protect their family time started working against it. They needed to start a little later and finish a little later to actually be present for what mattered. If they'd held the rule rigidly and then broken it whenever it suited them, that would have looked inconsistent to everyone around them, one rule for them, another for everyone else. Because the shift was communicated as protecting the same thing, family, just in a different shape, it didn't read as inconsistency at all.
Another leader I coach put her own version of this into practice recently:
"I've successfully set boundaries recently that enabled me not to work late, not work at the weekend."
Same principle held, evenings and weekends protected, but what that actually looks like week to week for her isn't a single unmovable rule, it's a consistent commitment to the same thing underneath.
How Boundaries Enable Authentic Leadership
Boundaries and authenticity overlap constantly, because boundaries protect what's most important to you, and what's most important to you is what makes you, you.
Your principles, your standards, your ethics, your values. To lead authentically, you need to know what those actually are.
People often talk about boundaries as selfish. It's usually the opposite. When you communicate the intention behind a boundary, rather than just the rule, "I'm working a little later today because there's a family event this evening I want to be there for," people can relate to that even when the timing isn't convenient for them. You're not just stating an action. You're stating what it's protecting, and that's what makes people willing to respect it.
Misaligned boundaries, or no boundaries at all, send a different message entirely. Saying you don't work weekends and then logging on anyway, is confusing for a team, and it doesn't encourage them to hold their own boundaries either.
Consistency in your communication, even when the behaviour itself flexes, is what your team is actually watching. - Your behaviours need to align with the messages you are sending; when there is a disconnect, your team stop paying attention.
How to Understand Your Team's Boundaries as a Leader
This is important for anyone leading a team. The more you understand what's inside each person's circle, what actually matters to them, the more you can lead them as individuals rather than as one collective group.
Some people communicate their boundaries easily. Others find it harder, and part of your role is helping them get clearer and stronger at communicating what they need, not just holding your own.
This is genuinely worth running as a team exercise. Once everyone has had the opportunity to understand their own circle, they are then invited to share what they feel comfortable sharing, either in a one-to-one session or as a wider group.
It builds understanding, and it means you can lead, encourage and respect those boundaries from the front rather than guessing at them.
How Boundaries Help Leaders Go Home on Time and Take A Week Off
My litmus test of a good leader is someone who can go home on time and take a full week off. Zero work, zero stress, zero guilt because they trust their team, and have full confidence in their systems and their processes to keep performing without them there.
Boundaries are a big part of what makes that possible. Holding a boundary around your own hours, your own rest, your own energy isn't indulgent; it's modelling exactly what you want your team to learn.
Show up tired, irritable and making poor decisions because you never protected your own time, and that's the standard your team will absorb.
Hold your boundaries visibly and consistently, and your team will start to model the same thing.
Draw your circle.
Get clear on what's inside it.
Get intentional about how you protect it.
Communicate clearly.
Understand that what's inside the circle stays constant, while how you show up to protect it is allowed to flex depending on the person or the situation. The communication gets clearer even as the specific actions become more flexible, and what's behind the line ends up far better protected because of it.
Start with your own circle first, then you'll be in a stronger position to bring your team through the same exercise, whether that's a private one-to-one conversation or a team exercise together.
If you're in the Leadership Community, there's a full workshop on this exercise in the resource library. If you're not yet, the doors are open, it's pay-as-you-go monthly with no commitment either way.
Ready to transform from reactive to intentional leadership?
I'm Zoë Thompson, leadership and performance specialist, and I help overwhelmed leaders transform from reactive to intentional leadership in 8 weeks, so you finish work on time, take The Big Week Off with zero work, zero stress and zero guilt, and create success that feels as good as it looks.
The Elevate Your Efficiency Blueprint In just 8 weeks, the Elevate Your Efficiency Blueprint addresses the root cause, the habits, behaviours and identity keeping you stuck, not just the symptoms
The Leadership Community helps you keep the momentum of progress going.
Free Time Audit: www.zoethompson.uk/quick-links
YouTube Channel: Intentional Leadership with Zoë Thompson
Podcast: The Lightbulb: Weekly Insights for Intentional Leaders
Zoë
Good leaders can take a week off.- Can you?
