Why Your Team Doesn't Trust You (It's Rarely About Not Caring)
Why doesn't your team trust you? Scroll through LinkedIn on any given week, and you'll find another version of the same article asking that question: the signs you're losing them, how to earn it back.
Most of it leans on vague principles or decades-old models, be more consistent, be more honest, and offers little you can actually do differently on Monday morning.
You will also see several posts: leaders not trusting HR, HR not trusting leaders and staff who don't trust anyone at all!
A recent workplace report offers something more useful: real numbers from real research on where trust actually breaks down among leaders, employees, and HR. And what it uncovers isn't what most people scrolling past it assume.
The report is "Bridging the HR Gap" from SurveyMonkey. It's framed around HR. What it actually reveals, once you read past the headline, is a leadership issue, not an HR one.
The 10-Point Gap Between Leaders and Employees
The research found that 53% of employees say employee wellbeing should be the top priority at work. Only 43% of HR say the same; that is a 10-point gap.
Ten points isn't a huge number, but it's real, and individuals feel it, even when it doesn't show up as a dramatic number on a spreadsheet.
Here's what that gap doesn't mean: it doesn't mean leaders don't care. In my experience coaching senior leaders, I have never once sat down with someone in a leadership position who told me they didn't care about their team; often, it is that they worry they care too much, and it is at the risk of their own wellbeing.
They do care. The challenge they face is that they are juggling multiple priorities and responsibilities, and they don't always know the best way to approach it, especially with someone who's had a negative experience with a previous manager.
That takes time to overcome. - It requires trust, rapport and a good relationship.
Why Your Team Doesn't Trust You: The Real, Feedback-Shaped Reason
The report ties the gap to feedback culture, particularly in companies where the culture doesn't promote open feedback and advocacy.
As a leader, these are the numbers you need to know:
4 in 10 employees say they're uncomfortable sharing feedback with HR, and another 30% say they're only somewhat comfortable
The top reason: 44% of employees don't believe their feedback will lead to meaningful change
29% fear their feedback won't actually stay anonymous, even when they're told it will
24% say their company simply doesn't support a culture of feedback
If you've ever raised the same issue more than once and watched nothing change, you'll recognise that disengagement. You go through the discomfort of speaking up, nothing happens, and eventually you stop bothering. It's not that people don't have things to say. It's that they've learned saying it doesn't lead anywhere. Not only are you frustrated at the lack of action, you are also now frustrated that you don't feel heard or valued.
The upside is significant when this changes. Companies that support open and honest feedback are two to four times as likely to be viewed favourably by their employees, one of the report's clearest findings.
Engaged employees stay. They reduce turnover, and they make your organisation a far more attractive prospect when you're recruiting.
What the Report Says Closes the Gap
The report names three things that close this kind of gap:
Listen with intention
Challenge assumptions
Take action with care
This is great guidance, and aligns with my own leadership experience.
Knowing what to do and knowing how to actually do it in a real conversation, under pressure, with a full diary, are two different things.
That's where the practical side comes in.
How to Build Trust With Your Team: The HEAR Framework
Listening with intention isn't a mindset; it's a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice. A lot of people believe they're good listeners. It's a surprisingly subjective measure.
This is where the HEAR Framework comes in:
Hear. Actively listen, show both verbal and nonverbal nods. Remove distractions. Give your full, undivided attention. Listen to understand, not to respond. If you need more information, ask more questions so the other person can open up further.
Empathy and Express. Give people room to express themselves freely, even when emotions are running high. In my years working in a police control room and in public-facing roles, I learned very quickly that telling someone to "calm down" never actually calms them down. Letting someone express what they're feeling, in the way they need to express it, tells them this is a safe space. That's not the same as tolerating rudeness or disrespect, it's about allowing authentic expression.
Acknowledge. Start from a place of agreement where you can. Acknowledge what you're hearing, and how strongly the person feels about it. It is not your responsibility to manage their emotions, thoughts, feelings or response.
Resolve. Ask what they're looking for. What would a good outcome look like for them? You can't always promise a specific result; other people may need to be involved, and it might not be entirely within your control. However, asking what they want and what they think the options are gives you a real starting point. This can help them to feel that they can influence the outcome or solution.
This is what makes it safe for someone to actually tell you something, rather than getting a quick "noted, I'll pass it on" and moving on. When someone comes to you, they're doing it because they trust you, because you're the person responsible, or because they believe you can help. Give them the space that deserves, even if that means saying "give me five minutes to finish this call, then I'm all yours."
How Leaders Challenge Assumptions and Take Action With Care: My 4P Reset™
Leaders are escalating issues far too quickly, and whilst this isn't something new it is a pattern I am seeing on the increase. This escalation is often happening before they've had the first, earliest conversation themselves.
HR leads tell me this regularly, and organisations with internal investigation departments see the same thing: issues escalated upward before anyone at the first point of contact has actually dealt with them.
Plenty of leaders simply don't feel comfortable having those conversations at the earliest possible moment, even though that's genuinely the easiest time to have them. These conversations can often start with an informal conversation, a simple check-in, a coaching conversation to explore what is happening and what is needed.
These conversations should escalate and follow the process or procedures, not 0-60 or hit them with a 'straight to jail' card.
This is where my 4P Reset™ helps: Pause, Prioritise, Proceed with Purpose.
When someone brings you something difficult, your instinct might be to react immediately. Fight, flight, or freeze kicks in, and once you've reacted, it's hard to take back.
There's real power in the pause. You don't need to have the answer straight away. It's entirely fair to say, "let me make sure I've understood this correctly, and come back to you."
Pausing gives you room to see the bigger picture, consider intended and unintended consequences, and think about what actually needs to happen next, before you proceed with purpose.
And if you say you'll come back to someone, follow it up. That's non-negotiable.
Why This Matters for HR Leads Specifically
If you're in HR, you're often holding this gap day-to-day, caught between what leadership prioritises and what employees are actually telling you.
The HEAR faramework and my 4P Reset™ aren't extra tools bolted onto your role, they're how the leaders around you can start closing the gap you're already navigating on the ground.
Why This Matters for Leaders of Teams
The 10-point gap doesn't stay at organisation level. It plays out in your one-to-ones, your team meetings, and the small daily conversations that build (or erode) psychological safety over time.
If your people don't believe feedback goes anywhere, they'll stop giving it. If they don't trust you to hold that space without judgement, they'll stop coming to you altogether. And that leaves you running your team blind, without the information you need to lead well.
The Gap Isn't HR's to Close
HR is not going to close this gap for you. This sits with leaders.
Leaders are accountable for closing the trust gap.
When your team talks, you listen. Once you've listened, you act, and you act before you pass it to anyone else. That's how the gap actually closes, one conversation at a time, not through a policy or a survey result.
Ready to be a Better Leader with Better Balance?
I'm Zoë Thompson, leadership and performance specialist, and I help overwhelmed leaders transform from reactive to intentional leadership in 8 weeks, so you finish work on time, take The Big Week Off with zero work, zero stress and zero guilt, and create success that feels as good as it looks. - Do less, better.
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